Being The Single Friend
Do you ever feel like you’re the only single friend in the group? Like everyone else has a partner and you don’t? This is a very normal feeling to have especially as you enter your late 20’s and early 30’s. It can certainly feel like everyone else is finding their person, meanwhile you’re still single. And because you don’t have a go to person to do things with, you start feeling like you’re missing out on things like experiences. Or, it can feel like you don’t get celebrated as a single person the same way people in relationships do because you’re not hitting relationship milestones like engagements, weddings and babies. I hear these frustrations all the time with clients and when talking to single people. Know that you’re not alone.
So how do you handle feeling like the only single friend?
Feel the feelings - Like I said, this feeling is completely normal and something a lot of singles deal with as they get older. So it’s important to acknowledge them and not ignore what’s coming up for you. Talk to a coach / therapist, confide in a friend or write your feelings in a journal. Talking through the feelings will help you move through them.
Find single friends - When I say that I hear this all the time, I truly mean that this is one of the most common challenges I’m hearing when I talk to single people. This tells me that there are a lot of people out there who are looking for other single friends. So while you may love your current friend group, there is always room to introduce new people into your life. Especially people who are in the same stage of life as you. Ask friends if they have other single friends, go on Bumble BFF or attend an event geared towards singles. There are so many ways to find new single friends so take advantage of it.
Get out of your comfort zone - Something I also hear a lot is how singles feel like they are missing out on things like trying new restaurants, going on trips or having specific experiences. But this doesn’t have to be the case. If there’s a new restaurant you want to try, go on a solo date with yourself. If you want to take a trip to Italy next summer, see if one of your new single friends will go with you. Get out of your comfort zone and don’t allow your single status to hold you back from doing the things you want to do. Yes, maybe you wish you had a partner to do this with but the time you have with friends or by yourself is also incredibly valuable.
Celebrate yourself - It’s no secret that people in relationships tend to get celebrated more than single people. It’s just hardcoded into our society due to milestones like engagements, weddings and babies. But it doesn't have to be that way. Don’t hold back from celebrating yourself and your own milestones. If you get a new job or a promotion, tell your friends you want to grab dinner to celebrate. If it’s your birthday, have a fun night out. And don’t be scared to celebrate yourself by buying flowers for your home, treating yourself to a gift or a nice dinner, and getting a massage or some other form of self care. There are so many things to celebrate besides relationship milestones and you deserve to be celebrated.
I have one other tip that is my number one suggestion if you’re feeling like the only single friend. And it’s something I have implemented in my own single life that I truly think is the main reason why those feelings don’t come up for me as much anymore. It’s pretty simple - become friends with your friends' partners. Anytime a friend of mine starts dating someone, I make a big effort to get to know that person and develop my own relationship with them. Not only does it mean a lot to my friends and their partner, but it makes our time together so much better. When a friend wants their partner to join us, I don’t experience that eye roll moment that a boyfriend is crashing the party. Instead, I get excited because it means I get to spend time with another friend. And on the flip side, if I do want some solo girl time with a friend, I feel that I can be more honest with them because they know it has nothing to do with their partner. This truly has helped me so much when it comes to feeling like the single friend and now, I have so many more guy friends who are in my corner rooting for me.
Again, all of these feelings around being the only single friend are completely valid and normal. But, you can choose how you move through those feelings and how much you let it impact your life. There are still amazing experiences, people to meet and celebrations to have as a single person. So focus on that and I promise you, those feelings will come and go much quicker.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
