Your Dating Mindset
Everything in life, especially when it comes to dating, is all about mindset. I’m a big believer that the energy you put out into the world is the energy you will receive. So if you’re going on a date with a negative attitude or with a scarcity mindset, the person on the date with you is going to feel that. And you most likely will start attracting people with that similar mentality.
So how should you approach dating?
It’s important to go into dating with an open mind. This means that you are open to new and different experiences with people that may not typically fit into your normal type. A guy asks if you want to go on an ice cream date and a walk - sure why not! Let’s change things up a little! Or you show up to a date and physically he is not your normal type - don’t write him off right away! See if there’s still a connection and if the physical attraction grows.
It’s also key to take the pressure off when dating! Don’t approach a date already asking yourself if this person is going to be “the one”. That is putting way too much weight on this one person and this one date. Instead, treat the dating experience like you are meeting a new friend for the first time. Low stakes and low pressure!
Ultimately, you want to approach dating in a light and fun way. This doesn’t mean that you’re not looking for anything serious or that you’re not being intentional. It just means that you are open to what comes to you and seeing what happens.
A motto I live by when it comes to dating is - “What’s meant for me will never pass me by, and what passes me by wasn’t meant for me.” If something doesn’t work out then it’s for a reason and something better for you is coming. The right person will come into your life when it’s meant to happen so try not to worry and enjoy the ride.
Now let’s talk about your dating mindset throughout the different stages of dating. I like to break it down into three stages.
Dates 1-3 (The Talking Stage)
During the talking stage, the main priority is to have fun and enjoy yourself. If you’re not having fun on these dates, then that is a red flag. You’re just getting to know the person and their personality to see if you even want to take things to the next step. Make sure to take the pressure off during this stage by not worrying too much about the long term. Things should be escalating comfortably in this stage which means consistent texting and date planning.
Dates 4-10 (The Dating Stage)
The dating stage is where you really want to get to know this person on a deeper level by getting curious and more intentional with your questions. Don’t be scared to get deep here and really learn about who this person is, their relationship history and what they are looking for. But this isn’t just about the other person, you also want to be more vulnerable with them as well. Not only so they get to know you more intimately but also to see if you feel safe and comfortable sharing deeper details about yourself. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable or if they don’t react in a way that makes you feel open to continue sharing, then this is a red flag.
Communication is also key here. Are you communicating your needs and what you want out of this relationship? The dating stage is when you need to communicate these things and see if the other person is able to communicate as well. When you have this conversation, are they pulling away or is it bringing you closer? If they are pulling away then this is a red flag. Also, make sure you are thinking back to your ideal partner image. Is this person fitting that image? Are they showing you any red flags or deal breakers? Do they have the traits in your need to have vs nice to have list?
Dates 11+ (The Commitment Stage)
This is typically around the time when more of a commitment is made. This could be the exclusive talk or becoming girlfriend / boyfriend. But just remember, everyone is on their own timeline and moves at their own pace. So if this stage happens sooner or later than 11 dates, that’s okay as long as you’re okay with it and it’s moving forward at the pace you want. This stage is an exciting one because there is a security and comfortability that comes with defining a relationship. Continue to be curious, get to know each other on a deeper level and communicate your needs.
Now, let’s talk about other reasons to date other than to find a long term partner. This is important for you to define because you don’t want the sole focus to be on getting into a relationship. There are so many other benefits about dating that you want to make sure to take note of and enjoy.
Exploration / Self Discovery - Dating allows you to learn so much about yourself. The more you date, the clearer your values, needs and wants will become. Gain more insight and awareness into who you are as a person and in a relationship.
Learning What You Need In A Partner - As you date, you learn more about what you are looking for in a partner. Even the bad dates, those teach you what you don’t want. The clearer you become in what you’re looking for, the more you will attract that person.
Have Fun And Do It For The Plot - Dating should be fun!!! And I know sometimes that isn’t always the case but for the most part you should enjoy yourself! And when the dates go wrong or something crazy happens then you have a great story to tell your friends. Trust me, when I tell my married friends all of my crazy dating stories they are kind of jealous because my life sounds so exciting! So get out there and do it for the plot.
The key takeaway here is to go into dating with an open mind and the intention to have fun, to learn more about yourself and to see if this person is someone you want to continue to get to know. If those things align then allow yourself to organically move through the dating stages. And never lose sight of yourself and what you need in a relationship. Even if a relationship does not work out, there are always positive moments you can pull from it and important insights to take forward into the next date.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
