Let’s talk about first dates
First dates can feel nerve wracking and daunting but they don’t have to be.
Let’s start with a few pre first date rituals. Something that always used to add to my stress was what I was going to wear. It would take me way too long to figure it out and only added to my anxiety. Am I now running late? Do I look cute? So instead, I recommend having 2-3 outfit options that you love and feel confident in. This way, you have quick options to pull from and can eliminate that stressful part of a first date. And if it goes well, you have the other outfits to grab from for dates two and three.
Ok so now that we have the outfit taken care of, let’s talk about the buildup leading up to the date. Let’s treat getting ready for this date just like any other night out with friends. Play some music, listen to a podcast or Facetime with a friend while getting ready. All fun distractions that will get you excited for the night. Again, the key here is treating this like any other night out.
This leads right into your mindset and your expectations going into a first date. The key here is to take the pressure off! Do not go into this night hoping that you are about to meet “the one”. Trust me, you are setting yourself up for failure if you do this. Expecting this date to be “the one” is only going to lead to disappointment. Because even if he is, chances are you won’t know that after a first date. You need to give the relationship time to grow and evolve as you continue to date. Treat this date like you are meeting a new friend for the first time and seeing if this is someone you would want to spend more time with. You’re just trying to get to know them and their personality. Go on this date with the intention of having fun and enjoying yourself - nothing more.
If some of your nerves stem from how the actual date is going to go and what questions to ask - here are some of my general thoughts. We want to keep things light and fun while also asking engaging questions that help you get to know this person deeper than surface level. The more intentional and deeper questions can come on later dates, but there are ways to ask some of the more generic questions in a way that still gets deeper. First date is all about exploring and getting to know more about the person in order to see if you even want to get to the deeper shit.
How’s your relationship with your family? Are you close to your family? This is a great way to understand their family dynamics and any other significant relationships in their life.
It’s also important to ask questions about someone’s friendships. How did they meet their friends? How would their closest friends describe them? The way they talk about their friends says a lot about them while also showing you if they have the ability to form close connections with the people in their lives.
Instead of just asking what they do for a living, also ask if they like what they do or what they specifically like about their job? Job dissatisfaction could be an indicator that they are not in the right place for something serious. If they don’t like their job, then asking what they would like to do instead will give you insight into their drive and proactiveness.
Let’s find out what this person enjoys and what their life besides work looks like. Questions like what do you enjoy doing in your free time? What does a typical weekend look like? Are you a morning person or a night owl? This will give you a look into if your lifestyles align.
Think about things you love - skiing, food, travel, being active, etc and ask questions around those topics to see if you have common interests. Or if you have different interests, are they someone who takes an interest in what you like / are willing to give new things a try.
**A lot of people say to avoid topics like past relationships, dating intentions, religion and politics on a first date. I think for a first date, it’s not necessary to bring these things up but if they naturally come up in the conversation, then go for it. In general, you want the conversation to flow naturally so while you want to keep the above questions in mind, sometimes things will go in different directions and that’s okay. Let the conversation move in a way that feels good and intentional.
Now let’s talk chemistry. I hear a lot of people say that they aren’t sure if they felt any chemistry on the first date. And what they are referring to is sexual chemistry. This should not be the focus on a first date. Think of chemistry as a great conversation where there was steady banter and a general connection between you two. If you felt sexual chemistry on a first date as well then that’s great! But if not, don’t worry about that. This is something that can grow over time. Your date might have been nervous or not comfortable yet to be more touchy feely and make a move. So when thinking about chemistry, think more about your conversation flow rather than the sexual aspect. That comes with dates three, four, five and so on.
Lastly there is reflection. Afterwards, think about if you enjoyed the date, did they ask you questions about yourself, and how did they make you feel on the date. If they asked you out again, would it be an immediate yes or do you get a sinking feeling / feel on the fence at the thought of another date. The key point to remember here is that first dates are really about having a good time and treating it as if you are meeting a new friend. So if you enjoyed yourself and would want to hang out with them again, then go on the second date. It’s as simple as that.
Just remember - go on the date, take the pressure off and have a good time!
