If He Wanted To, He Would.
This is a very popular term in the modern dating world that I hear all the time. It essentially means that a man will put in the effort if he is interested in you. If he’s not putting in effort, then he doesn’t want to because he’s not interested.
Women tend to make a lot of excuses for a man not being available, consistent or intentional. For example, he didn’t text me back because he’s too busy with work - if he wanted to, he would make time to text you. Or, he’s been traveling a lot so he hasn’t asked me out on another date yet - if he wanted to, he would find the time in between his travels.
The idea behind it is to stop making excuses for men and instead take their actions and efforts as your answer.
My take? I am a true believer that effort directly correlates to interest. If a man wants to see you again, he will make it happen - no matter how busy he is. I once met a guy in an elevator (that’s a story for another time) and we exchanged numbers. Unfortunately we both had crazy travel plans coming up. Every time he was back in town, he would text me to see if I was finally home from traveling and free for a date. This went on for about six weeks until we were both free. If he wanted to, he would.
Another time, I was dating a guy who was about to go on a big backpacking trip. This was during a time when COVID was seriously spiking again and he couldn’t afford to get sick. But he was about to be gone for a while and wanted to make an effort to see me before he left. This man biked 20 minutes to my house, dropped off wine and cheese, biked back home and jumped on FaceTime with me so we could have a wine and cheese date together. If he wanted to, he would.
I do have one problem with this saying. It doesn’t take into account that this person might actually have other things going on that could be pulling their attention and efforts away from you. People are complex and have a lot going on in their lives, much of which has nothing to do with you. So they might not be texting you or asking you out right now because they are truly having a difficult work week or something personal came up.
But this is where communication comes in. Communicating that they are busy but still want to see you as soon as they free up or communicating that they have a family emergency so they are not available. This is key here. So yes, maybe they want to but they just don’t have the bandwidth or mental capacity to follow through on that. And while that is completely okay, this may not be someone who is in a place to intentionally date. And that’s on you to decide if that works for you or not.
Ultimately, effort directly correlates to interest. So take note of their consistent efforts, not just to get you but their consistent efforts to keep you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
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