Red Flags
Something I hear a lot when talking to single women is their difficulty spotting red flags early on when dating. Or that even when they do spot the red flags, they ignore them and continue dating that person. Spotting red flags is a crucial part of dating so you know who to move forward and who is just wasting your time.
So what is a red flag? Red flags are warning signs that a partner is not the right one for you. This may not be something you necessarily end things over but they are something to take note of. And the more red flags, the clearer it is that this person is not right for you. It’s important to distinguish what your personal red flags are as this list can vary from person to person as they are based on your personal values and belief systems. I highly recommend you take 20 minutes to journal what your own red flags are. Make sure to come back to this list, not only as a reminder, but also to edit and add to.
There are also universal red flags that everyone should look out for when dating.
They do not proactively make plans to see you
They are not looking for anything serious or don't know what they are looking for
There is inconsistent communication aka they are hot and cold
You feel confused and anxious about how they feel, when you will hear from them and when you will see them again
So why do we stay with someone despite the red flags? Typically there is a deeper fear, an insecurity or a limiting belief that is stopping you from seeking someone who is right for you. This is different for everyone but typically relates to feelings around not being able to find someone else or that you don’t deserve a better partner. If you are an anxious dater, this can also cause you to stay with someone. Your anxious attachment gets triggered by their inconsistent and confusing behavior so instead of it pushing you away, it draws you in closer. Identifying these fears or triggers and addressing it through therapy or coaching will allow you to release them and shift your dating habits to more positive patterns.
While red flags are important to look out for, it’s equally as important to see the green flags. Same as red flags, there are going to be individual green flags for each person based on values and belief systems. This is where I recommend you write down what your need to have’s vs nice to have’s are in a partner. Getting crystal clear on your ideal partner image and what you want in a partner will allow you to better understand when a potential partner is the right match.
Here are the universal green flags that everyone should look out for when dating. (Hint: think the opposite of the red flags)
They proactively initiate plans to see you
They consistently and effectively communicate
They listen and ask questions to genuinely get to know you better
You feel secure, safe and confident about how they feel, when you will hear from them and when you will see them again
It really should be simple when it comes to dating. Listen to your body and your nervous system because it will tell you what you need to know. The partners with the red flags will make your nervous system go haywire - major anxiety, incessantly checking your phone to see if they texted you and constant confusion about when or if you will see them again. The green flags calm your nervous system - you feel secure in how they feel about you and confident that you will hear from them again to see you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
