Stop Getting Attached Quickly
Imagine you’re dating someone new. It’s been one, two, three dates and you are starting to get attached. You’re thinking about the future with this person and how excited you are for what’s to come. You even have your future kids' names picked out and where your wedding will be. The future tripping is at an all time high and the thought that this won’t work out is not an option.
Listen, this is a very normal and common occurrence. As women, we tend to get attached very quickly and put all of our eggs in one basket. But the issue with this is that after only a handful of dates, you really have no idea if this is going to work out. And the more attached you are to the outcome, the more upset you will be if this doesn’t turn into your long term partner.
So how do you prevent getting attached so quickly to a new partner? Here are some reminders and helpful tips:
Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. We put our best foot forward on the first few dates which means you haven’t seen all sides of this person. Sides that might make you realize, this is not who you want as your future partner. It’s important to take your time getting to know someone. Move slowly and see how they act in different situations. This will tell you so much more about them as a person and as a partner that will help you decide if this is in fact someone you want in your future.
You don’t actually know this person. And vice versa. We need to stop putting people on a pedestal before we truly know them. Don’t ignore the red flags you’re seeing early on because you’re excited about the potential. Take note of them and allow that to bring you back down to earth. Especially in the beginning, focus on the facts, not the potential and the story you are telling yourself. Are they being consistent, do they make plans to see you, how do you feel when you are with them? These are what you should be focusing on. And continue to remind yourself that you don’t actually know this person yet. You are just excited by the idea of them.
Continue to live a full life. It’s important to continue your normal routine and continue filling your life with fun plans that don’t include this person. And certainly do not change your plans for them. Your life doesn’t stop because this person is in it. So continuing to live a full life you love will allow you to see that everything will be okay if things don’t work out.
Now that you have some tips for how not to get attached so quickly, let’s talk about mindset. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - mindset is everything. Here are a few rules I live by to keep my mindset in check when I am newly dating someone.
Always assume they are dating other people unless you have talked about being exclusive. This helps you remember the reality of dating while also pushing you to keep your options open as well. I recommend not putting your eggs all in one basket. If you have only been on a few dates with someone, you have every right to go on other dates. And that goes for the other person as well. Dating multiple people will allow you to compare and see if this person is truly as great as you have built them up to be.
Don’t value yourself based on what other people want in a partner. If someone decides that they don’t want to be with you, then that doesn’t have to be personal. I know that sounds weird. But sometimes we can think someone is great and enjoy their company, but they are just not your person. You are still a great catch and an awesome human, regardless of if you fit what they are looking for in a partner.
Remember that when things have not worked out in the past, you have been okay. It’s normal to get excited about someone but this has probably happened before. And whether it turned into something more or not, you always ended up okay. And more importantly, when things didn’t work out, you were clearly able to start dating again and find a new connection. So no matter how this one turns out, you will be just fine.
What’s meant for you, will never pass you by and what passes you by, was never meant for you. My all time favorite quote. At the end of the day, if this is meant to work out then it will work out. And if it doesn’t, then it’s not meant to be. Letting go of the outcome and knowing that what’s meant to be will be, is truly the key here.
At the end of the day, it’s okay to be excited about someone you are newly dating. That is exciting! And part of dating is allowing yourself to feel those feelings. But you want to make sure you are not creating a false narrative or getting too carried away before truly getting to know this person. So reminding yourself of these tips and having the right mindset is key. If this works out then that’s amazing and if it doesn’t then that’s amazing also. Because you are just one step closer to finding your person.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
