Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Single women always ask me, how do they meet men in real life. With the frustration of dating apps, everyone is looking to meet their person the old-fashioned way. But that comes with its own set of frustrations and mental roadblocks. And really what it comes down to is you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you are asking yourself why you aren’t meeting men in the wild and why you aren’t getting approached, then clearly something is not working. To get different results, something needs to change. And changing your behaviors can be uncomfortable at first.
In previous blogs, I’ve done deep dives into how to adjust your body language and get approached when out and about. I highly recommend reading through my How To Meet Men IRL and Single Girl Summer blog posts for all the details. For the spark notes version, you want to have open body language, keep it to a small group and make sure to engage in eye contact and smile when you see someone you are interested in. But why not actually do the approaching next time? Again, let’s push ourselves and get uncomfortable.
First, we need to look at what is actually stopping you from making eye contact, smiling and even approaching a cute guy in the wild. And the answer is the fear of rejection and the fear of embarrassment. These are both valid fears and completely normal. But let’s really challenge them. I was talking to a few guy friends about approaching a cute guy I saw at the gym. I hadn’t gone up to him yet because I was nervous and honestly scared of being rejected. Both guys were in relationships so if a girl approached them, they would have to politely decline. But they challenged my thought that this would be a rejection. They told me that if I were to approach either of them and say “Hey, I think you’re cute so just wanted to say hi and introduce myself”, that it would have made their entire day. And even though they would have to decline, they would only think how confident and badass it was that I came up to them.
I’ll share another story to prove how not embarrassing this all is. I was out with a girlfriend and she saw a cute guy across the bar. She kept making eye contact and smiling at him to make sure he knew she was interested. He was standing by the bathroom so she decided to act like she was walking to the bathroom to give her an excuse to say hi to him. When she got back from “the bathroom”, I eagerly asked her what happened. She said hi to him but he let her know that he was taken. But he also said how beautiful she is and that he was very flattered. I asked how she felt and she was like “I feel great!”. She felt empowered and excited that she put herself out there and while it didn’t result in a future date, she received an amazing compliment.
Let’s think about it this way, any time you have declined a potential prospect, how did you feel? I know personally, I’ve felt flattered and complimented. Even if I was not interested in that person, it still made my day. So why wouldn’t that feeling be true if the roles were reversed? And I’m not saying you need to approach every cute guy you see, but at least start by making eye contact and smiling (a few times to really get the point across) and see what happens. The more you put yourself into approachable situations and give signs of interest, the more chances you have of getting approached. And most importantly, the more comfortable you become with the uncomfortable.
Maybe after reading this, you still don’t feel ready to dive in and do this right away with someone romantically. But this is why practice makes perfect! Challenge yourself to spark up a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store or compliment another girl’s outfit at the gym. Start to push yourself in small ways to gain small wins and to feel more comfortable going outside of your comfort zone.
I will also end this by saying mindset is everything. The second I deleted my dating apps and decided to be more open, present and approachable in my “real” life, I had two separate men approach me at the gym that following week. I truly think it was because of my mindset which was then reflected in my body language. So that open aura started to attract exactly what I wanted.
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The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
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