Dating Intentions
A complaint I hear a lot from women is that men are not upfront or honest about their dating intentions. And instead of being upfront, they tend to lead women on or don’t know how to communicate that until it’s later into dating once feelings have developed.
Before I tackle that, let’s talk through dating intentions a bit more. Going into dating, each person has a different mindset or purpose they want out of that experience. This can differ based on a variety of things - age, stage of life, personal situations, etc. I get asked a lot, how and when to communicate this to a new partner so here are a few ideas.
Pay attention to their dating app profile - This could tell you a lot about what someone’s dating intentions are. Make sure to take note of their prompts to see if they provide any clues to their mindset. There is even a Dating Intentions section on the apps so you can see what they are looking for. When someone says “figuring out their dating goals” or “short term relationship”, then believe them.
Natural Conversation - If it naturally comes up in conversation, feel free to go there. Sometimes past relationships or how dating is going for you will come up so use that as an opportunity to speak more about your intentions and theirs.
Ask them - If you want to know upfront, then don’t be scared to ask. Some people might not like this style and feel it’s too forward but if it’s important to you and you want to ask it, then go for it. The right person won’t care and will be on the same page.
So what happens if you have different dating intentions? First things first, always believe people when they tell you they are not looking for something serious. This is not an opportunity to prove them wrong or to change their mind. If you are someone who is also not looking for anything serious, then great. But if you are and tend to get attached, then you need to walk away. You can’t stay hoping that things will change.
Now back to men not being upfront or honest about what they are looking for. Here’s the deal, most men and women in their late 20’s and up are looking for something serious. If the right person came around, then they would want to settle down and be with them. And until then, some people are just looking to have fun and see what happens. So it’s not as much that men are being dishonest or keeping information from you. Some people might just be going about dating differently aka in a less intentional and serious way.
I also find that in most situations, both people are looking for something serious but then as they start dating, one person realizes that this is just not their person. So when they end things, there might be different excuses they give but the truth is - you’re not who they want to be with long term. And that can be a lot harder to say to someone which is where the excuses or just saying they don’t want anything serious comes in. It can also be a lot harder to accept because it’s not a tangible reason that gives you clarity and closure. Of course we hope that the other person figures out that they are not interested earlier on, but unfortunately, that is not always the case. I think it’s a lot easier to put the blame on not being upfront or honest rather than the reality which is this is not a match for that person.
At the end of the day, we need to take some blame away from their honesty or communication and realize that they may have wanted the same things but ultimately decided they don’t want that with you. And most importantly, if someone decides you are not the right person for them, that is not your person either. If there is a lack of honesty or communication, then that is further proof that this is not your person.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
