Dating Is Hard
Let’s just be really honest right now and acknowledge that dating is hard. I talk a lot about having a positive mindset but it’s also totally ok to admit how draining and difficult this dating game can be. It’s a feeling anyone who is single and dating knows very well. And it doesn’t feel like it’s getting any easier these days. But why is it so hard?
Well there’s a number of reasons.
Dating Apps - While the emergence of dating apps has added a lot of positives to dating culture and the dating world, it has also caused dating burnout. So many people are feeling drained and tired of dating which stems from the apps. The dating apps made it a lot easier to meet and interact with other singles which is great but it also increased the number of negative interactions. Plus, it’s made people jaded a lot quicker since it’s more readily available.
Social Media – The combination of dating apps and social media has made it much easier to play the comparison game. Not only comparing the stage of life you are in, but the ability to see what else is out there so easily. Just when you think you’ve found someone special, you jump on the apps or look at social media and see other options that make it seem like there could be something better out there. So the question becomes, when will you put a stop to the comparison game and start being happy with what you have?
Not Settling - Because there is a heightened interest in dating, people are learning to have higher expectations and to not settle for anything less than what they deserve. There are a lot of great conversations being had that are forcing singles to challenge themselves, their partners and what they want. In the past, the focus was on getting married and having kids by a certain age. Now, the mindset has shifted towards making sure you find the right person. This is a good thing! But yes, it’s making it harder to date because you’re not willing to settle for just anyone.
Now that we’ve established why it’s so hard to date, let’s talk about what to do about it.
Pep Talks - When things get tough, you need to be your own champion and supporter. It might sound silly but give yourself a pep talk when things get tough. A talk that will motivate you and reset your mindset. Our own thoughts are what can get in the way when things get tough, so challenge yourself to change the words you are using and what you are telling yourself in those tough moments.
Take Breaks - I’ve said this many times but I am a huge advocate of taking breaks from dating. It’s important to recognize when you’re truly drained and not in the right headspace vs just having a small inconvenience. Because you certainly don’t want to take a break after every setback. But there are certainly moments when you are not in the right place for dating and that’s exactly when you should take a step back.
Stop Being Part of the Problem - Listen, we are all adding to the dating epidemic. We’ve all matched with someone and then not responded. We’ve all become drained and negative when it comes to dating. But if you want dating to change for the better, then you need to stop being a part of the problem. Be more intentional and proactive on the apps. Be approachable and open when you are out and about. And if you go to that negative space, take a break so you’re not in the mix.
Reset Your Mindset - When the negative and jaded thoughts start to impact you mentally, you need to find ways to shift and reset your mindset back to the positive. Think about what actions you can take that positively impact you. It can be things like meditating, spending time with friends, going for walks / moving your body. Connect to the things that bring you back to yourself and pull you out of a negative spiral.
Keep Dating - Sometimes the answer is to just keep dating. I know, it sounds weird. But when you’re down about dating, sometimes all you need is one good dating experience to remind yourself of why you are doing this. This doesn’t mean finding your person or your next long term relationship, it can just be a positive experience that reminds you that dating can be fun and that helps move you forward.
At the end of the day, there’s no reason to pretend that dating is not incredibly hard. It takes a lot of motivation, proactiveness, confidence and positivity to keep going. But there is a reason why you are doing this. And that Why is important. So connect back to your why when you need a reminder. And just keep going because it will all be worth it in the end.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
