Why Community Is So Important
Something I’ve come to realize in my single phase of life is how important community is. Of course it’s always important, but especially when you’re single. Why? Because single men and women tend to spend a lot of time alone. So it’s important to have people who you can reach out to when you’re feeling lonely and can be a safe space for you. A community will get you out of your comfort zone and most importantly, out of your home for some much needed quality time.
So how do you find your community of people?
Trust Your Gut - Put effort into the right people who leave you feeling good and safe. This means you need to listen to your gut when spending time with someone. Similar to dating, think about if you can be yourself around them, do you feel good after spending time with them, and do they create a positive environment. If not, then these are not your people.
Hobbies - Again, just like with dating, lean into your hobbies and the activities you enjoy. This will allow you to meet people who have a shared interest so there is already common ground. It’s an easy way to find a community around something you both enjoy doing.
Social Groups / Events - The aftermath of COVID has left a lot of people looking for more opportunities to connect and meet people in person, both romantically and platonically. Look for social events like walking clubs, pickleball leagues, social dinner parties and even dating events. Yes, people go to dating events to find a romantic partner but it also means there are single men and women who probably want to find other single friends as well.
I know this can feel overwhelming and like a big undertaking so I have three tips for you to help take some of the pressure off:
Give This Time - You are not always going to find your people and your community right away. It can take some trial and error so be patient and make sure you are checking in with yourself that you feel good with the community you are building.
Quality Over Quantity - The word community doesn’t mean you need a group of 50 friends. If you find 50 people to hang out with but don’t actually connect with them then that’s not really the point here. Remember, it’s about quality over quantity so it’s okay to keep it small.
The Drawer Theory - There are going to be different friends for different things. I like to think of it like this - different friends go in different drawers. I have my “yes” friends who are always up for anything. I have my party friends for a fun night out or on the opposite end of that, friends I go to for a cozy night in. And then I have my friends who I lean on when I’m upset or need someone to talk to during a tough time. Sometimes these can be the same people as my party friends and sometimes it isn't. The community you build can consist of a lot of different types of people who serve different purposes in your life. They don’t need to encompass everything.
As someone who is single and in their 30’s, I understand how hard it can be to build a community with people in the same phase of life as you. Especially as most friends are starting to settle down and have kids. This is why I created my new group coaching program - Let’s Date: A Mentorship on Modern Dating.
Before I create any program, I interview single men and women anywhere from 20’s to 50’s on their dating life and the challenges they face related to dating and being single. What I found is that the answers across the board were pretty much the same. Besides some small nuances, the frustrations and challenges that a woman in her early 30s had was the same as a single mom in her 50s. But I also heard how lonely and isolating it can feel being single. So many people feel like they are the only ones going through it. But the reality is, they’re not alone. There are a lot people feeling the same exact way. So how do I bring those people together and help them realize that they are not alone? By creating a community where we can discuss being single, dating and how to navigate it all. And that’s where this group coaching program comes in.
So if you’re looking for a community with other singles who are feeling and going through the same ups and downs as you, along with coaching you through that, then this program might be the right fit for you. Please email me (alexbarron@alexbarroncoaching.com) or DM me (@alexbarroncoaching) to book a 30 minute discovery call. Because I would love to help you feel a little less alone.
