Scarcity Mindset
Scarcity mindset is something that I come across with most of my clients. And it’s important to discuss because it can ruin your dating life. So what is a scarcity mindset? It’s a belief system that focuses on what you don’t have and the idea that you won’t ever get what you want which causes fear and anxiety. The most common examples when it comes to dating are “There are no good men left”, “My person is not out there” and “I’m going to end up alone”. As you can see, the idea behind these is that the dating pool is limited and will therefore lead to you not finding a partner.
This mindset will ruin your dating life for a number of reasons.
Leads to desperation - When you feel like there are not enough good people out there or that your options are limited, it makes you believe that you need whoever the next best option is. Instead of focusing on what you actually want in a partner, you’re focusing on just finding a partner. This leads to you abandoning your wants and needs, and accepting the bare minimum. You are no longer dating from a place of abundance, but from a place of desperation. This person has to be “the one” because you believe there aren’t other options.
Causes you to act “the right way” - In this state, your focus is less on the other person and more on yourself. There is a feeling that you have something to prove in order to win this person over because if you don’t, who is going to be left for you to date? You stop being yourself and start acting the way you think you should act in order to get this person to date you.
Deflects from meeting the right person - Because you are so desperate to meet someone and you are trying to prove yourself, you’re no longer focusing on the most important part of dating. Is this person right for you? This mindset throws that idea out the window and ignores what you need in a partner. As a result, you end up in a relationship with someone but they are not the right someone.
The key to a scarcity mindset, is to acknowledge that this is a mindset rather than a fact. This is not actually how things are and there is a clear difference between feeling vs fact. The ideal mindset to be in while dating, is to be in an abundance mindset. In this mindset, you don’t feel limited by things that you don’t have, but instead, you focus on the opportunities you do have in order to achieve what you want in life. You see the world as full of possibilities and opportunities which develops and strengthens self trust.
So how do you shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset?
Uncover the root cause / fear - It’s important to understand where this scarcity mindset is coming from because without getting to the root, these thoughts will continue to appear and affect your mindset / behavior. Sit down with a journal or work with a therapist / coach on exploring and understanding the source of these thought patterns.
Acknowledge the positives - A lot of scarcity mindset stems from looking at what you don’t have. So to shift to an abundance mindset, find the positives in your life. Look at what you do have instead of focusing on the opposite. Reflect on the positives whether they are big and small.
Reframe negative thoughts - When you have negative thoughts, think about where they are coming from and challenge if they are in fact true. Look for proof that they are not true and if there is any evidence to support those thoughts. Then, flip the script and reframe that thought in a positive way. For example,instead of “there are no good guys out there”, think of examples where a friend met a great guy recently or your last interaction with a good guy. This will disprove your thoughts and shift them towards the positive.
Practice gratitude - Recognizing everything you do have and being grateful is a key step. Take five minutes of your day to write one thing you are grateful for. This gratitude practice allows you to see your life in an abundance rather than in a scarcity.
A scarcity mindset is very normal when it comes to dating and a lot of people experience it. And those thoughts will creep up no matter how much work you do on yourself and your mindset. But it’s important to understand where those thoughts come from, acknowledge them and move through them so you can transition quickly back into an abundance mindset. This definitely takes work and practice so I recommend working with a coach or therapist who can support you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
