Feeling Behind In Life
I talk to anywhere between 10-20 single women a day about their pain points and challenges when it comes to being single and dating. And the #1 challenge that comes up is this feeling of being behind in life because they are single. They are watching their friends, family, co-workers, etc move through very different stages of life. Stages like getting engaged, marriage, having kids, and buying a home. Seeing people close to you go through those stages can be really difficult, especially when you want that in your own life. I’m here to validate and say that those feelings are completely normal. And you are not alone. Most singles compare their life to those in relationships and feel those couples are “ahead” of them. But the key here is to find ways to confront these feelings when they come up.
Here are four things to remember when you are feeling behind as a single woman.
Recognize that being in a relationship does not necessarily equal happiness, certainty and fulfillment.
It’s so easy, especially with social media, to look at someone else’s life and only see how perfect and happy things seem. And it’s even easier to compare that life to yours. But what you see from the outside looking in is not always the reality and it’s certainly not the full picture. You never know what other people are going through or how they are feeling in their relationship and life. There are plenty of couples who are unhappy and feel trapped / alone in their relationship. And while starting a family is a beautiful thing, it comes with a lot of responsibilities, changes and challenges.
It’s important to remember that being in a relationship and/or having children does not equal happiness and fulfillment. Being in a relationship does not equal certainty. There are numerous couples I know of who are going through really tough times with their partner and some who will not end up together forever.
I also have a lot of friends starting a family right now and while they are so excited for this new chapter of their lives, they have also expressed feelings of mourning. Mourning their old life filled with social activities, time freedom, surplus of money and quality time with their partner. The classic sayings that “the grass is always greener” and “comparison is the thief of joy” are very much true in this scenario. So when you are feeling behind, remember that there are struggles that come with those other phases in life as well.
Acknowledge the benefits of being single and what it has brought into your life.
Let’s not lose sight of the fact that being single has its own list of benefits. Sure, getting married and starting a family sounds great but so does the living a life completely on your own terms. Make a list of those benefits as a way to reflect on what this stage in your life has brought you. And make sure to read through that list in times when you are feeling behind.
It’s important to enjoy each stage in life because these are stages, so they won’t last forever. Enjoy the time freedom, the extra cash, less responsibilities and so much more while you still can. And I know for a fact that your friends who are in a different stage than you look at your life in a similar way as you look at theirs. Anytime I catch up with my married friends, they are so excited to hear all about my fun life updates. They always mention that they are living vicariously through me because their life is pretty routine and monotonous compared to mine. Again, the grass is always greener so take advantage of the benefits you have in this stage of life because you won’t be in this exact point in time forever.
Which brings me to my next point - enjoy being single while you still can.
The single stage is just a moment in time and nothing lasts forever. At some point, you will be in a relationship and then (if you want to), married with a family. So make sure you enjoy this specific phase in your life before it’s over forever. It’s normal to get ahead of yourself and look at the next stage in your life but if you don’t take the time to actually enjoy the one you’re in, then you’re going to miss out on all it has to offer. And then when you get to that next chapter, you might not be as happy as you thought because you were so busy focusing on getting there instead of enjoying the ride. Slow down and enjoy the ride.
Lastly and most importantly, remember your why.
Ask yourself - WHY are you still single? When I ask this question to my clients, the answer tends to be the same. And that answer is “because I don’t want to settle and I have not met my person yet.” In times of comparison or feeling down about being single, remember this.
There is a very specific reason why you are in this stage in life and that is so important. Could you be in a relationship with someone right now if you really wanted to? Sure. But would you be happy and fulfilled in that relationship? Probably not. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture and the future you want for yourself. Don’t lose sight of the why.
Comparing yourself to others is a normal and human thing to do. Especially when you’re single, it’s easy to fall into the trap of looking at people in relationships and thinking they are so happy and have it all figured out. And that is magnified even more when they have something that you are striving for. But you’re not behind. You’re exactly where you are meant to be at this moment. And I can’t wait for the day when you are in the next stage of your life and look back on these single days feeling grateful. Because they are exactly what brought you to that next moment.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
