Signs He Is Not Ready For A Relationship
If you’re intentionally dating and trying to find a long term partner, then it’s important to weed out the men who are not on the same page as you. Whether that means they are emotionally unavailable or not ready for a relationship - these are all reasons to run in the opposite direction. The most important thing is to find the signs early on that this person is not ready for a relationship. Because the sooner you figure that out, the sooner you can move on and open up space for someone in your life who is looking for the same thing.
Here are a few ways to know if he is ready for a relationship:
Ask Him - Bringing up someone’s dating intentions or what they are looking for is a clear and easy way to find out the answer. For some people, this is a question they make sure to ask on a first date or early on in the dating stages. If this conversation comes up naturally or it's something that feels right to ask straight up, then go for it! If he answers by saying he just wants something casual or doesn’t know what he’s looking for then you have your answer. This person is not ready for a relationship.
Consistency - If you don’t want to bring up dating intentions early on, then another option is to be aware of their actions. Are they consistently reaching out to make plans with you? Are they making an effort to get to know you? Are they asking you intentional and deep questions as the dates progress? If the answers to any of these are no, then that is a sign they are not ready for a relationship. Another action to take note of is constant texting. If they are constantly texting you without asking you on another date, then that is a clear signal that they want something casual and on their terms. When someone is interested in a serious relationship, their actions and efforts are intentional and consistent.
Listen - When you ask them questions about themselves, listen to their answers. Does it sound like they are opening up and letting you in? Are they allowing you to get to know them better? But also, listen to hear if their answers give you hints that they are not ready for or want a relationship. These hints could relate to past relationship drama, job dissatisfaction or personal struggles. For example, I went on a first date with a guy who was technically still married (please note - I did not find this out until I was physically on the first date). Him and his wife were separated and going to get a divorce but even more than this fact, the way he talked about her and the relationship made me realize there was a lot of unfinished business and drama there. Not only drama that I had no desire to get involved with but I could tell that this man was in no way looking for or ready for another serious relationship. Needless to say, we did not make it past the first date.
That’s Just Dating - Even if you’ve had the conversations and look for the signs, there is another reality. Maybe this person didn’t realize they weren’t ready for something serious until they started dating. Or they do want a relationship but they just don’t want it with you and they use not being ready as the excuse. As much as that can suck and rejection can hurt, that’s just a part of dating. And no sign or conversation will always prepare you for that.
It’s important to mention that if you are also in a place where you just want to have fun and see where things go in a more casual way - then that’s great! And maybe you don’t feel the need to have these conversations or look out for these signs. I would just say to be open and transparent about that - just like we would hope someone on the other end would be with you.
But if you are intentionally dating and looking to find your person, then these signs are important to note and think about. You’re not always going to spot it and sometimes you’ll go down a path where you feel blindsided, but it’s about learning through those experiences and getting better at recognizing when someone is not ready early on.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
