First Date Mindset
If you’re single and actively dating, you’re going to go on a lot of first dates. It’s very normal to be nervous and it’s completely okay to get a little excited leading up to it. But it’s important to have the right mindset going into a first date. Because you don't know this person and you have no idea how it’s going to go. So let’s talk through first date mindset do’s and first date mindset don’ts.
First up, let’s talk about the don’ts. These are very important mindset checks to make sure you’re not approaching a first date in the wrong way.
Don’t have expectations - You have no idea how this date is going to go. So don’t go into it with any expectations around what’s going to happen, good or bad. The more expectations you have for a first date, the more likely you are to put out anxious energy and be disappointed. Allow the date to unfold and see what happens.
Don’t put them on a pedestal - As mentioned before, you don’t know this person. Sure, maybe they were super proactive in planning a good first date. Or maybe there’s been great banter via text. But that doesn’t really matter unless the actual date goes well and if they have the qualities you are looking for in a partner. And that second one takes time to figure out. Allow there to be time to see who this person is and if they align with what you want. By putting them on a pedestal before even meeting, you're making a lot of assumptions and creating a story about who they are as a person which can lead to thinking a date is better than it is. And they don’t deserve to be on that pedestal until you have gotten to know them.
Don’t future trip - It’s okay to get excited but you don’t want to get ahead of yourself and start creating stories about this person and your future together. Make sure you’re not thinking about what could be. It blurs your vision and leads to heightened expectations which can cause you to feel like you have something to prove and need to perform on the date.
Now that we’ve discussed the don’ts, let’s talk about the do’s.
It’s an even playing field - A first date is about feeling out the vibe and compatibility, for both people. Which means the playing field is even. You don’t have anything to prove so just be yourself.
Go with an open mind - We all have a vision for what our partner looks like, how they act and who they are as a person. But part of dating is meeting different types of people who could align in a way you didn’t expect. So go into the date with an open mind and just see what could happen. Allow people to surprise you.
The goal is to have fun - First dates are low stakes and low pressure. No long term decisions should be made and all you need to worry about is enjoying yourself. Think about it like you are meeting a new friend for the first time. You just want to learn more about them and have a nice night together. It’s that simple.
When leaving a first date, the main question is: did I enjoy myself? If the answer is yes, then go on a second date. If the answer is no, then on to the next. This first date mindset is really the mindset you should have for dates 1-3. This is just the talking stage so focus on having fun, getting to know this person and figuring out if you want to take things to the next stage. By going into these dates being yourself, having an open mind and with the goal of having fun, you’re setting up the date and yourself for success. Regardless of the outcome.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
