Let’s Talk About Situationships
Situationships. One of the most popular dating terms out there right now. Why? Well, we’ve all been there before so it’s a very relatable experience. And just when we swear we will never be in one again, we find ourselves in the next one. They’re confusing, frustrating but also have a bit of hope and excitement wrapped in there which keeps us wanting more.
So what is a situationship exactly? I saw a Tik Tok recently that put it bluntly - it’s a situation to one person and nothing to the other. And I know that’s tough to hear but he’s not wrong. It’s when one person is hoping that the situation will turn into a relationship and the other person is happy with how things are, with no real strings attached. But when you really break it down, a situationship is not quite a relationship but it’s also not completely a no strings attached situation. You’re hooking up while also doing things and having conversations that feel like you are dating. But you’re not. There is no commitment or exclusivity that is involved in a relationship. Which is what makes it so difficult because there are feelings involved.
But in 2024, situationships are out. We are voicing what we want and need with a partner and if we’re not getting that then we are walking away. So in order to make sure you don’t spend another year in a situationship, it’s important to recognize when you are in one.
So what are four key signs that you are in a situationship?
It’s not consistent - In a situationship you’re not having consistent communication or going on consistent dates. It’s actually the opposite. One day you’re texting and the next day you don’t hear from them for a bit. Or you hang out one night and then you don’t have any idea when you are seeing each other again. It’s very random and sporadic, not consistent.
It’s not moving forward - Typically as you are dating someone, you are moving through the different stages (talking, dating, exclusive, in a relationship) and the communication / actions are moving forward in tandem with those stages. You start speaking more consistently and your dates are happening more frequently. It feels like you’re spending more time together and getting to know each other more. In a situationship, it’s the opposite. It feels stagnant - you’re constantly in the same place with your relationship. It doesn’t feel like it’s moving towards a relationship and is just the same hot and cold loop over and over again.
You’re not exclusive - A situationship is rooted in being undefined and uncommitted. So you are definitely not exclusive and can technically date other people. But at times it certainly feels like you should be exclusive and you would be upset if the other person is seeing other people. But you’re not. And the fact that you’re not defined is the exact excuse the other person can make to battle any upset or jealousy.
You feel confused - Being in a situationship is always going to be a confusing and anxiety inducing situation because you’re constantly unsure about where things stand. It’s part of the rollercoaster that is a situationship. One day you’re doing coupley things together and opening up to one another. And then the next day you feel shut down by the other person with a stop in all communication and plans. It’s only natural for that up and down roller coaster to cause constant confusion.
Now that you know if you are in a situationship, the next move is to get out of it. Whether that means voicing that you want it to become a relationship or ending things. If you want to actually give things a shot with this person in an actual relationship then you need to communicate that is what you want. Tell them how you are feeling and what you want out of this situation. And then you ask how they feel about that.
The key here is you have to be willing to walk away. You can’t go into this conversation thinking you can change his mind. When you communicate what you want, if he does not respond in the same way then your next option is to end the situationship. The reality is that this person is getting everything they want without a commitment - sex, time, and company. So why would they give that up? It’s not about proving to them how good you could be together. It’s about showing them what they are missing when you walk away.
The other option is to decide that this is not what you want and just end the situation entirely. There is no right or wrong option. The only wrong path is to continue with something that is not serving you and that you do not want, with someone who is not willing to put in the time, effort and especially commitment that you deserve.
It’s 2024 and that means we are leaving situationships in the past by recognizing when we are in these situations earlier on, communicating what we want and need, and then walking away if that is not something the other person can give you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
1:1 Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
