What To Do When He Pulls Away
Imagine you’re dating someone and you think things are going well. But then suddenly you feel a shift in the communication and the dynamic between you two. It feels like he is pulling away.
And then the anxiety and anxious attachment kicks in. Your mind is constantly thinking about when he is going to reach out again, what happened to change things, does he still like you. You’re constantly checking your phone to see if there’s a text from him. You find that your mood and emotional state is depending on a text or his next move. It’s not a good feeling.
Trust me, we’ve all been there. But let’s take your power back in this scenario.
So what should you do when he pulls away?
Remember what you deserve. You deserve someone who shows you consistency and effort. Someone who can communicate with you if they have other things going on that is pulling them away. You deserve to be wanted and treated with respect.
Get turned off. This behavior is unattractive so instead of allowing your anxious attachment to kick in, get really turned off by this behavior. Let it give you the ick. Someone who is inconsistent and does not communicate is showing you how they feel and how they act in a relationship so this should be a major turnoff.
Keep calm. Don’t freak out and panic. I know it’s hard to not let your anxiety take over and for your thoughts to run wild. But remember that you don’t chase, you attract. His behavior is out of your control so stop trying to control the uncontrollable. And instead, dive into habits and routines that help you steady your mind.
Move on with your life. You’re busy and have plenty of other amazing things going on in your life. Lean into work, spend time with friends, make fun plans. Your life was full before them so it will be full after them. Plus, moving on with your life and busying yourself with things that make you happy and feel full, redirects your mind away from the situation and into the positives in your life.
Remember, if you are confused and feeling anxious, it is for a reason. This is your mind and body telling you something. It’s telling you that this is not your person. Listen to that. Your person will make you feel safe, not confused. Your person will make you feel confident, not anxious. Your person will communicate with you, not pull away. Remember what you deserve.
And if you never hear from him again then he has done you a favor. He has shown you how he communicates (aka he doesn’t) and he is freeing up space in your life for someone else. Someone who will show up for you and will communicate with you. Ghosting can be really frustrating and upsetting because it’s a rejection and it feels personal. But try to remember that the ghosting says so much more about them than it does about you. And in a lot of ways, it’s telling you more than a text would. So be grateful for it and allow the ghosting to propel you forward, towards someone better for you.
If he does come running back asking to be in your life again (because a lot of times they do) then you get to decide what YOU want, not what he wants. You have the power here.
I have a feeling you’ll find that your life has been great without him and you have moved on. And at the end of the day, if you still want him in your life then he needs to make the effort to show you that he deserves you in his life. If he wants you, then he needs to work for it.
The experience of someone pulling away or ghosting you is one that everyone has gone through. It’s a shared experience. So don’t feel alone in this. And just remember how you felt in this scenario and make sure you don’t make someone else feel that way in the next situation. Keep it positive and kind by giving the other person in the situation the respect that you would want. You’re putting the energy out into the world that you want and deserve, so that energy will come back at you in a big way one day.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
1:1 Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
