Mastering The Dating Apps
Trust me, I know. The dating apps suck. And while there is definitely a comeback to meet people in real life and a call to action for something to change when it comes to the apps – they are here to stay. Dating apps play a pivotal part in modern dating culture today and that is not changing anytime soon. I will say, making an effort to meet people IRL is also very important. Because everyone is so sick of the apps, there is a shift to get back to our roots when it comes to dating. That means joining a social club, attending singles events and being more open to getting approached or approaching someone you are interested in.
The benefits of dating apps are the accessibility. You have access to so many more people in your city or even when traveling that you may not see or meet in person. Meeting in person means you have to be in the same place, at the same time and in the same mindset. But the apps allow you to have a wider range of options and puts less pressure on the introduction. I’ve heard stories of couples who lived down the street from each other but never met or even knew of one another until they matched on the app. Who knows if those two people would have met otherwise.
So how do you make the most of your dating app experience?
Setting Up Your Profile Correctly – If you don’t have a good profile, then you are not setting yourself up for success. A bad profile means less matches aka less dates.
Pictures – Make sure all of the pictures on your profile are recent photos of yourself. We don’t want anyone to feel catfished here. The more you look like the photos in real life, the better. Make sure you have a solo shot of yourself as the first photo. This way the other person doesn’t have to guess which one you are. And then throughout the profile, incorporate pictures with friends and family so they see you have a social life and a community. I also recommend including photos of you doing things you enjoy – cooking, skiing, traveling. This gives the other person an image of your life and what you like to do. A big turnoff when it comes to pictures - selfies with bad lighting.
Prompts – Use the prompts to show your personality, who you are and what you like. We all know the generic prompts that everyone uses – “Let’s debate this topic, pineapple on pizza” or “The way to win me over, is if you love to travel”. Be different and really tell them who you are. Don’t be scared to make your intentions clear. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then use the prompts to tell that story. And keep in mind that your prompts should make it easy for the other person to start a conversation and ultimately ask you on a date. For example, mention a type of food or drink you like so they can ask you more about that or places where they can take you on a date for those things.
Bio – Add any facts about yourself that are important to you; religious beliefs, politics, family plans, your vices. And most importantly, include your dating intentions. Whether you want something casual or are looking for a long-term partner, make sure that is stated in your bio. This will attract people on the same page and deter those who are not.
2. Moving From App to IRL – The ultimate goal is to get off the app and go on a date. So here are a few tips to get you there.
Start The Convo – I know in dating it’s typical for the men to do the approaching, but in the digital dating world, it works a little differently. I hear a lot of complaints about how you match with someone and then you don’t hear from them. So don’t be part of the problem and feel free to make the first move. Because everyone is burnt out from the apps, men are being a lot less proactive. Which means it might take you reaching out first to get things going. That doesn’t mean the rest of your relationship will be you making the first move. You can still set the expectation that you want them to be proactive in the relationship. But like I said, on the apps, these beginning stages work a little differently.
Chit Chat – Of course there needs to be some conversation on the app before the date. But after a few back and forths, you want things to move off the app and into a date. If they ask for your number first, that’s totally fine but you want to make sure that the ask for a date comes soon after. Too much chit chat and not enough action? Nudge them. If they ask you a question, say you can give them all the details over drinks. Again, with all the burn out people are experiencing, sometimes it takes some action on both parts.
3. Take Breaks – I’m a huge advocate of taking time away from the apps when you are feeling burnt out or if dating is not feeling aligned with you. Just make sure it’s because you truly need a break and not that you’re giving up after every interaction or minor inconvenience. Make sure to fully delete your profile if you’re taking a break. Besides the fact that that is a true cleanse, the apps will also boost your profile and show it to more people when you rejoin.
Again, I know how much the apps suck and how tired we are of them. But on the flip side, they also give us so many more opportunities to date and meet our person. Opportunities that we may not have had otherwise. Or at the very least would not have without leaving the couch. So take advantage of them as best you can, be proactive and not part of the problem, mix in meeting people out and about and most importantly – have fun! Dating should be fun at the end of the day so try not to take this too seriously or too personally.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
