When A Connection Ends
It’s always sad when a connection ends. Whether it’s been three dates or three months. And whether it was your decision or theirs. It’s normal to feel sad regardless of length or who ended it. But the reality is, most dating experiences aren’t going to be your long-term person. So ending a connection is a natural part of dating. It’s what allows us to gain deeper understanding into what we want vs don’t want and moves us closer to the right person. Regardless, the ending of any chapter is always difficult. So let’s talk about what happens when that connection ends and how to move forward.
Let’s start with when you end a connection. First of all, congratulations for knowing what you want and when someone is not right for you. That’s not always an easy thing to do but staying true to yourself and not settling is key throughout this journey. Every time you end a relationship with the wrong person, it gets you one step closer to the right person. It’s important to handle these situations with as much respect as you can. The classic phrase – treat others how you wish to be treated, could not be more true in this scenario. And as hard as it is to upset someone, they will respect you more for not leading them on and for being honest. Whether you text or call the person depends on how long and how serious the relationship is. Typically if it’s only been a few dates and you have not slept together then a text is fine. But once you are sleeping together and moving past the first month or two, a phone call is more appropriate. Email me (alexbarron@alexbarroncoaching) or DM me (@alexbarroncoaching) for my free one pager with anti-ghost text examples you can send.
Next, let’s discuss when they end things because that can be a much more loaded topic. It’s loaded because ultimately it feels like a rejection and the decision was made for you. This can trigger a lot of emotions which are completely normal. Rejection sucks and it’s ok to be sad that this connection has ended. But there are some ways to handle these feelings so you are able to move forward.
Challenge your thinking of them – This is ending for a reason and maybe you didn’t see that reason during the relationship but think back and see if you can identify why this was not the right person for you. Ask yourself questions like – how did that person make you feel, were there red flags or dealbreakers that you overlooked, how well did you truly know this person, was there truly a connection or was it just a spark?
Identify key learnings – Every dating experience is important and gets you closer to your person. But it also allows for incredible reflection into what you want vs what you don’t want in your long term partner. Think about what you can take away, both positive and negative, from this relationship to make the next one even better.
Role reversal - Rejection can trigger deeper feelings around not being good enough or that something is wrong with you. To combat those feelings, think about the times when you have ended things with someone and there was nothing wrong with that person, you just knew it wasn’t your person. Remembering when the roles were reversed will help shift your mindset away from thinking that there is something wrong with you that caused this. And instead, reframing it as just a part of dating.
Remember, what’s meant for you won’t pass you by and what passes you by wasn’t meant for you – I saw a Tik Tok recently of a woman saying “don’t you think your soulmate would want to be with you”. This statement really resonated with me. It’s so important to remind yourself that the right person will choose you and the wrong person is the one who does not want to be with you. As hard as it is to have a connection end, you now have space in your life for someone who will choose you. You are now one step closer to your person.
Ending a connection is always difficult. And I know the thoughts creep in asking if you will be alone forever. But there are 8 billion people in this world so what makes you think you don’t have someone (actually, multiple people) out there who are right for you. You just have to keep putting yourself out there and it will happen.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
