Self Talk And How It Affects Dating
I talk a lot about mindset when it comes to dating and how much having a positive attitude can really shift your approach and experience. What I have found is that your self-talk can truly be the deciding factor of whether you have a positive or negative mindset around dating. It’s easy to blame others for bad dating experiences - the dating apps, men, your city. But it’s critical to start with you and what you are telling yourself.
I am a huge believer that the words you use and what you say, make all of the difference. Take a step back and ask yourself the following questions:
What are the words I use to describe being single and dating?
How am I speaking to myself?
What are the narratives I tell myself about being single and dating?
Do these words create a positive or negative narrative around being single and my dating life?
Would I speak to my best friend this way about being single and dating?
Would I tell my best friend these things about themself?
I love the idea of picturing your best friend and if you would say those same things to them. When you tell yourself that you are not good enough or attractive enough - would you tell your best friend that? When you tell yourself that there are no good men out there and the dating apps suck so you’ll be single forever - would you tell your best friend that? I have a feeling the answer is no. So why are you telling yourself that? Serena Kerrigan is a big influence in the confidence and dating space, and she consistently preaches that you are your own best friend. So why are you talking to your best friend that way? It really makes you take a step back and question how you treat and speak to yourself. Your self talk around dating and being single is no different.
It’s also important to note that if you are going on a date with this negative self-talk as the main energy, the person on the other side of that date is going to feel that energy. And it’s not going to bring out their positive or best side either. Remember, like energy attracts like energy. So you’ll only bring other people down with you or attract the same people with a negative attitude. And that really doesn’t create a fun dating environment for either of you.
I was talking to a friend of mine about dating and being single and she said to me that I have a really good headspace and wanted to know how I have such a positive mindset when it comes to dating and being single. And for me, all of these things I say on my blogs, my social media, to my clients and friends about what’s meant for you will never pass you by, or you don’t want someone who doesn’t want you, or knowing your worth and how much you have to offer to a partner - I truly mean. I don’t just say it to say it, I believe it. And I explained to her that your self-talk makes all of the difference.
When I first started taking more of an interest in the dating space, I heard all of these sayings and would say them to myself but with a hint of pessimism. But the more I said it and really leaned into these ideas, the more I truly believed them. And what I found was that my dating life changed. It became easier. I knew what I wanted in a partner and was able to figure it out a lot sooner. And when a situationship or relationship ended, I was over it much quicker.
Your self talk, what you tell yourself every day, makes a HUGE difference. So if you want to make a positive change in your dating life, start there. Start with you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
