Sending The First Text
Texting in the early stages of dating can add a lot of stress and confusion to your dating life. Should you text first? Should I wait a long time to respond? What does their text mean? Why haven’t they texted me yet? All questions that have probably gone through your head more than once. We get very caught up in “the rules” around texting and what you should and shouldn’t do. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Because at the end of the day, there are no rules when it comes to this. The rule is to do what you want and what feels authentically best for you.
With that being said, there are three general guidelines I recommend following when you are texting during the early stages of dating.
Consistently over constantly – The key here is consistent communication. There does not need to be communication 24/7 but you do want to hear from this person in a way that flows and feels intentional. When it’s constant, take note of their actions. Are they proactively making an effort to get to know you better and making plans to see you in person? Constant communication without the action creates a false sense of intimacy and is lacking intentionality. Focus on the consistency rather than the quantity.
If someone is interested, you will know – When you are seeing someone and they genuinely want to continue seeing you and getting to know you, then you will hear from them. When there is a hot and cold nature to their communication and you start feeling confused, this tells you a lot. Of course people can be busy or have other things going on that causes less outreach. But the difference is that they will communicate this so you are not confused.
Don’t play a game – At the end of the day, you want to create a genuine connection with someone by being your authentic self. That should be the focus. So take away the idea that dating should be a game. If you want to respond to someone, then respond to them. You don’t need to wait a certain amount of time just because a dating rule told you to. If you want to reach out first, then go for it. Just make sure you are reaching out because you have something to say and not because you’re seeking validation from a response.
A dating rule I hear a lot when it comes to texting in early stages is around confirming a date. The narrative I hear is that the man (or in same sex relationships, the person who planned the date) should reach out by a certain time to confirm the date. And if you don’t hear from them, then assume it’s cancelled. If they reach out past that certain time, then you should tell them you didn’t hear from them so you made other plans. And I think this whole idea feels very overused and outdated. Do I think the man should reach out day of and confirm? Yes. But I also recognize that sometimes life happens or the other person assumes everything was already confirmed. Instead, I recommend two options – Reach out to confirm if the date is still happening or when they reach out too late, communicate that you expected a confirmation before so you will need to reschedule and now they know what to expect next time.
At the end of the day, there are no rules except to do what is best for you. Live your life authentically and allow your actions to mirror that. Staying true to yourself is the most important part of dating. But remember, if they are interested then you will know through consistency, effort and action.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
The Dating Blueprint Community - a safe space with weekly live trainings, consistent support from me as a coach and a public forum to ask for advice and to discuss dating with other single women going through the same ups and downs of dating and being single.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
