Sex & Dating
Sex and dating is always a popular topic and one that comes up often with my clients. And it makes sense. Sex is a big step in any relationship and it always feels like things could shift one way or another after you take that step. Most of the questions are around when you should have sex. Should I wait longer? Should I follow the three date rule? Will having sex with them change how they feel about me? If I have sex too soon or wait too long, will that change the outcome of the decision?
So what is the right answer? The right answer is to do what you want. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter when you sleep with someone. What matters is that you do it when you feel safe and comfortable. Take back the power in this situation and do it when it feels right for you. It’s important to remember that when you sleep with someone should not change the outcome of your relationship. If someone truly likes you, then sleeping together on date three vs date ten will not matter. And if it does, that person will ghost you or change their mind about how they feel regardless. The time when you sleep with someone should not decide that.
I will say that there is an argument for waiting but it has nothing to do with the other person and hoping it will decide the outcome. First, if you are someone who gets attached easily especially after introducing sex, then waiting can give you more time to see how you truly feel about the other person. You will have a better sense if the connection you feel is due to the actual person or just because you are being more intimate with them. And second, it’s fun to have a build up to sex. When you allow for more time to intensify the connection then that will lead to stronger intimacy and ultimately better sex.
I understand why sex and when to move into that stage is such a hot topic. But it’s important to remember that with the right person, the timing won’t matter. Because they will want to do what feels right and safe for you. If anyone pressures you to move faster than you're comfortable with or if someone becomes distant after sex then they are not your person. And to be honest, they are doing you a favor. The right person will be patient and feel that having sex only deepened your connection. So the decision is all about what’s right for you.
Interested in working with me as a coach? Here are a few ways to work with me!
The Dating Blueprint - a 3-month 1:1 coaching program designed specifically for the motivated woman who is ready to work from the inside out to embrace being single, enjoy the experience of dating, and make time to date with intention so they can find a long-term partner with the qualities and values they are looking for.
Attachment Theory Decoded - an in depth look at attachment theory with an assessment that unlocks your unique attachment style and a 1:1 coaching session for a full debrief on your results and how they affect your dating life.
The 6 Pillars to Creating a Dating Life You Love and Attracting Your Ideal Partner - a FREE guide that takes you through steps needed to face your fears and tackle your limiting beliefs head on so you can embrace being single and look at each dating experience as a fun and expansive opportunity.
Free Flow Coaching - If my program options aren’t for you but you are interested in working together, then let’s chat about a more free flow 1:1 coaching option. I offer three or six month packages.
